Hi all, this is very tough for me – I find it difficult to
write (particularly on the internet) as I cringe at every sentence, but lately,
I’ve decided to push myself to stop being so self-critical! One of my ‘new
year’s resolutions’ has been to deconstruct toxic anxiety – so that means
posting this.
2014 was a tough year, battling a full load of schoolwork
and various illnesses. This made it difficult to find time to work on things I
enjoy such as creating, reading, and generally having fun. I found myself feeling lost, unmotivated, and
deflated. Yet, as of late, I’ve discovered some newfound inspiration by surrounding myself with the things I love, re-reading stories that have always
comforted me, and watching films that make me happy.
With my art making, I’ve realised a key component (which
became oblivious to me throughout school) is working as an inwards expression and
experimentation – for too long during school what restricted me was both an
idealism/perfectionism and also the thought of knowing I had to present the
work / achieve others’ approval. By writing in my diary, and likewise, creating (whether it be brooches, illustrations for friend's birthdays, collages, etc) without putting up internal barriers; I've been able to feel get more done, and be happy to explore!
I want to create work as a form of recovery; I want
my art to be a safe place, I want it to be comforting. I look towards some of
my favourite things and artists and I see Studio Ghibli,May Gibbs, But I’m
a Cheerleader, Avi Buffalo, and James Baldwin... These things I hold so
close to my heart, in them / or in their work; I find something so magical and so
beautiful – this is what inspires me. I am also reminded of the last episode of
Avatar: The Legend of Korra – “I think
[the] finale was healing for a lot of people who feel outside or on the
fringes, or that their love is somehow less real or valuable than someone
elses… That it is somehow less valid. I know quite a few people in that
position, who have a lifetime of that on their shoulders, and in one episode of
TV you both relieved and validated them. That’s healing in my book.”
I am also reminded of a section from Tavi Gevinson’s article
‘Forever’, in which she talks about making art that is there for people - “It’s not just about ‘coming for yr job’ and
being like, empowering and kick-ass, or wanting people to find that they are
strong in simply a Robyn/CEO way, but letting people be strong human beings who
can fully know and love themselves enough to extend that feeling to the world
and populate our earth with good friendships, meaningful art, and stuff to make
us all laugh.”
I’m a little unsure what this post is about, and that anyone
will read it. I feel though, that by getting rid of negative thoughts it’s becoming increasingly easier to see clearer and be happier within
myself. This year I want to work on being happier and healthier - taking time for myself and creating as
a happy extension of myself.
Shot of my desk featuring; plant doodles, Photo Booth strips, colic markers, mini zine, wash tape, plants, a handful of stamps from my very overwhelmingly large stamp collection
Self Portrait in my room (Dec'14)
