January: an excavation

January came in like a whirlwind for me – full of excitement, anxiety, but also hope.  Although the rough patches were difficult, I still feel okay about January. I began the year with my favourite people, giggling, and dancing to Beyoncé at midnight. My first day was spent swimming at the beach soaking in the sun. One thing I've found out this month is that I need to push myself to do things I'm always wanting to do - rather than putting it off - I’ve decided to document here a couple things I did during the month.

This month I read: 

i. Persepolis by Marjane Satrapi- I have quite an obsession for graphic novels, and this auto-biographical book was more than wonderful. I was engrossed in Marjane’s story of growing up in Iran during the Islamic Revolution and it’s aftermath, along with her personal endeavours as a young woman. I was inspired by Marjane’s passion and courage, and dedication. "I drew Persepolis with a pedagogical purpose, for the Western public. I had heard so many stupid things about my country.

ii. I am Malala by Malala Yousafzai – after finishing this auto-biography I felt like Malala and I had become good friends (her being only a year younger than me!) after reading her detailed accounts of her life in her Swat Valley, Pakistan. Likewise to Marjane, she shows moving strength and intelligence in her stand against social injustice. Reading this novel also provides much useful information on Pakistan’s history, politics, and culture. She addresses many key issues on poverty, drones, capitalism, women’s rights, and naturally education. On top of this; her personal journey and anecdotes are just as heartening... "We are often made to feel that a person who emigrates does so for economic reasons. I wanted to show that you leave your home because you can’t breathe any more. ..."

iii. Playing to the Gallery by Grayson Perry – I love Grayson Perry’s artworks so I was very excited to read this book, but I finished it ultimately feeling undecided and confused.  Looking back there were many funny and even informative anecdotes, giving more of an understanding of movements in art history and art institutions.  There were a couple of parts, that I even laughed out loud on public transport - I was often reminded of funny moments studying art theory in high school art, and even some of my teacher's anecdotes. 

This month I have been listening to:

Lp1 - Fka Twigs: This album is every bit magical; right from ‘Preface’ it transports you into a world that feels very bygone and peculiar. I’ve been doing some drawing while playing this on vinyl, and floating away into my own dreamland. Next month I’m lucky to be seeing her live!!

Horses - Patti Smith: perfect album to dance around the house too, and feel powerful! I found my dad's old copy on vinyl (which I didn't realise we had owned!) and have been spinning it ever since. Patti is incredibly clever and talented which is on full display in these poetic songs.

January photo journal:

A very small sniper of the amazing view from my friend's flat in the city. I chose liked this photo no only because of the nice rooftops, chimneys, and trees; but because it reminded me of what Hayao Miyazaki said in The Kingdom of Dreams and Madness - "When you look from above so many things reveal themselves to you. Suddenly, there in your humdrum town is a magical movie... Feels like you could go somewhere far beyond."

A couple of shots in an antiquated Photo Booth that I sought out in the city after spontaneously taking a day to myself to wander around. I was so overheated and exhausted after walking all day in the summer heat hence the poses; my thick long hair is always more warmer than I think!

A small little swirl I found on monstera deliciosa plant in my backyard. I love spending time in my garden, it has become quite a sanctuary with all the trees and plants grown tall and green. It makes me feel like i've escaped to a hidden world; perfect space for reading

A shot from a night walk near my boyfriend's house just outside the city, the sky was such a nice deep blue and all the house, street, and city lights made it feel very cinematic. 

Playlist:
A random assortment of songs I have been listening/dancing/crying to this month:

(you can listen to this here)

Ramblings..

Hi all, this is very tough for me – I find it difficult to write (particularly on the internet) as I cringe at every sentence, but lately, I’ve decided to push myself to stop being so self-critical! One of my ‘new year’s resolutions’ has been to deconstruct toxic anxiety – so that means posting this.

2014 was a tough year, battling a full load of schoolwork and various illnesses. This made it difficult to find time to work on things I enjoy such as creating, reading, and generally having fun.  I found myself feeling lost, unmotivated, and deflated. Yet, as of late, I’ve discovered some newfound inspiration by surrounding myself with the things I love, re-reading stories that have always comforted me, and watching films that make me happy.

With my art making, I’ve realised a key component (which became oblivious to me throughout school) is working as an inwards expression and experimentation – for too long during school what restricted me was both an idealism/perfectionism and also the thought of knowing I had to present the work / achieve others’ approval. By writing in my diary, and likewise, creating (whether it be brooches, illustrations for friend's birthdays, collages, etc) without putting up internal barriers; I've been able to feel get more done, and be happy to explore! 

I want to create work as a form of recovery; I want my art to be a safe place, I want it to be comforting. I look towards some of my favourite things and artists and I see Studio Ghibli,May Gibbs, But I’m a Cheerleader, Avi Buffalo, and James Baldwin... These things I hold so close to my heart, in them / or in their work; I find something so magical and so beautiful – this is what inspires me.  I am also reminded of the last episode of Avatar: The Legend of Korra – “I think [the] finale was healing for a lot of people who feel outside or on the fringes, or that their love is somehow less real or valuable than someone elses… That it is somehow less valid. I know quite a few people in that position, who have a lifetime of that on their shoulders, and in one episode of TV you both relieved and validated them. That’s healing in my book.”

I am also reminded of a section from Tavi Gevinson’s article ‘Forever’, in which she talks about making art that is there for people -  “It’s not just about ‘coming for yr job’ and being like, empowering and kick-ass, or wanting people to find that they are strong in simply a Robyn/CEO way, but letting people be strong human beings who can fully know and love themselves enough to extend that feeling to the world and populate our earth with good friendships, meaningful art, and stuff to make us all laugh.”

I’m a little unsure what this post is about, and that anyone will read it. I feel though, that by getting rid of negative thoughts it’s becoming increasingly easier to see clearer and be happier within myself. This year I want to work on being happier and healthier - taking time for myself and creating as a happy extension of myself.

Shot of my desk featuring; plant doodles, Photo Booth strips, colic markers, mini zine, wash tape, plants, a handful of stamps from my very overwhelmingly large stamp collection 

Self Portrait in my room (Dec'14)